Please, Stop Talking

I know I said I wouldn’t talk about boys but listen: I have no choice, I have to or else, there’s simply no way for me to articulate what I have to say, I apologise.

Let me first state the obvious: we are all entitled to an opinion. Whether we are asked to vocalise it is one thing but we all think things, there’s nothing anyone can do about that. What pisses me off is being on the receiving end of these completely unwarranted opinions and then having to receive the backlash of not agreeing with said person’s opinion.

Now, back to our regular scheduled programme.

There is an individual in my class who has taken an acute interest in my outward appearance and it’s grinding my gears. Really, really, grinding. I’m really over this notion that a woman can only wear makeup or decide to put an effort into her outfit or whatever and it automatically has to be for “the man”. If I say it is, then it is. If I don’t, who the hell do you think you are assuming it’s all for you?

It first started with a few hit and miss comments here and there like “Oh, who have you dressed up for then?” and “You look really pretty today, what’s happening?” Not only were these little sayings utterly unwarranted, they were backhanded as hell. So every other day, I look like trash or? Pardon? Then came the one that really just sent me over the cliff. Wait for it:

“If you wore makeup everyday, you would be perfect.”

Now, let’s take a moment to consolidate what this statement actually means, let’s break it all the way down. Let’s delve into the mind of this utterly filterless, brainless, sack of idiocy and try and decipher what this one-liner meant:

Your God-given, natural, bare face is inadequate for me to even consider finding you attractive (or looking at you or dating you, I have no bloody clue) and I have decided that it is makeup and makeup alone that can solve this conundrum. You have to look appealing to me at all times, so do it. Now.

Ladies and gentlemen, are you shaking your heads with me right now? Believe me when I say I didn’t take this comment lying down, oh no. It would have been a disservice to womanhood if I let such a thing come out of his mouth and leave it unchecked. But what gets to me above all of this is simply the fact that he didn’t get where he was wrong. He didn’t get that he couldn’t say stuff like that to me or to anyone and think it was okay.

This issue of male entitlement, I don’t think it can ever be solved. I think it’s a neurological thing, a difference in brain chemistry because it’s too damn common to just be down to conceitedness. I don’t understand how every little showcase of self-love has to be attributed to me wanting to please a member of the opposite sex. That’s not all I am, that’s not the entirety of what women are here to do. There are a gazillion and one intricacies that make me up but for some reason, a boy just wants to see it all as me wanting to impress him?

Here’s the big question: why do you feel this is so? Do you pay my rent or do you buy my groceries? Do you stay up all night and memorise chemistry mechanisms for me? Do you even care about my wellbeing, physically or even mentally? Are we emotionally invested in each other? Do you have anything to do with me besides sitting in the same classroom as me? Yet you just want to think every little iota of my appearance is based on warding off or attracting attention from the likes of you. You want to reduce me into nothing more but a billboard on legs, because that’s all it is, right? Give me a break.

I keep saying this and I will always say it: ladies, do you. I can’t stress this enough. Nobody can govern you, no one can police you. I know the privilege of self-expression isn’t as easy for some as it is for others but one day, I hope and pray, that a world will exist where women can do whatever the hell they want without having to explain or justify themselves. Until then, crush comments like the ones I’ve mentioned above and just generally tell people to shut up.

Love, your highly irritated friend,

Georgina ❤

Songs of The Week

Flirting With The Eyes

I’m sorry for my flakiness with this blog lately. I made an oath to post every week and I will keep trying my hardest to keep that oath. I’m just swamped in exam revision which is sucking me dry of creative juices. Don’t tell me that sounds dirty. Bear with me, please and thank you.

The 15th of April was the hottest day of the year (for the UK) so far. It was around 26 degrees and it was lovely and naturally, my skin had to breathe so I dressed down. I wasn’t naked, my chesticles weren’t in anyone’s face but I felt pretty so it must have exuded from me. That’s my big word for today – exude.

And here, we see Georgina unashamedly seizing the moment to slip a selfie in her post because, obviously, she was indeed feeling herself that day.

I got on the train and I was minding my business, reading Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie which is going so well, listening to Deathcamp by Tyler, The Creator which is also amazing and I noticed this man. He was not my type at all. Well, I can’t really say that because I don’t truly have a type. I thought I did but opinions change, growth happens, eyes open. But, I wasn’t attracted to him, let me just say that. But, like I said, I paid him no mind. I couldn’t have even heard him with my headphones in so if he was confessing his love for me, I would have missed it. The train was rolling in to my stop so I got up and walked to the train doors to wait and this man got there before me and he was on the side of the doors with the buttons so me exiting the train was down to him pressing them anyway. Train stops, he presses the button and I get off the train. I’m standing on the platform, looking at the departure board for my next train and as I look away from it, the man is staring at me as he walks away. He’s not looking at me in a stalker, I-will-kill-you way but in a I-see-you way, in a damn-you-could-get-it way. Now, I’m a bit of a jumpy person, I cannot be helped. The time between me looking away from the departure boards and me acknowledging this man looking at me was half a second and he was quite close to me, not in my bubble but close so I did a little leap accompanied by a little yelp, a quiet yelp so he probably didn’t hear. And you know what he did? He chuckled at me and walked down the platform, looked at me one more time, got on his train and waved goodbye to me.

The whole thing was endearing but I want to break down the mental chemistry of what goes on in my mind when a member of the opposite sex gives me the eye. Just me, I can’t speak for every woman in cases like this, to avoid stereotyping, I don’t want trouble.

On one hand, I am losing my mind with self-pride. My thought process is simply “YES, YOU’VE STILL GOT IT. SLAY THESE BISHES.” It’s a confidence booster, I can’t lie. I’m that person that can live off my own confidence but silently craves assurance from other people. I won’t beg for compliments but I really want them. Even if the person looking at me isn’t someone I would go for, it still gives me a sense that not all hope is lost, you know what I mean? I feel desirable, I feel sensuous, I feel womanly. Is it sad that a simple look of interest can evoke feelings like this in me? Possibly. Am I ashamed to own up to it? Not in the slightest.

On the other hand, I’m also losing my mind with how socially unjust it is. Hear me out. My thought process is “AM I JUST A PIECE OF MEAT TO YOU? DO I LOOK EASY? IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE THE MOST GRABBABLE PAIR OF MELONS YOU’VE SEEN TODAY OR BECAUSE MY ASS FILLS OUT MY JEANS AND MY THIGHS HAVE NO INKLING OF A GAP BETWEEN THEM, IS THAT WHY YOU’RE LOOKING AT ME, WONDERING WHAT MY MOUTH DOES, WONDERING WHAT I LOOK LIKE UNDER THESE ITEMS OF CLOTHING, WONDERING WHAT I’D LOOK LIKE SPRAWLED OUT NAKED ON YOUR BED? IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU?”

It’s all very conflicting. It’s incredibly gratifying yet totally unwanted all at once. I want to be the object of someone’s desire but I don’t want to be this object that is only meant to be lusted over. I want to be more than a thought that generates arousal for you. I want to be approached, who the hell doesn’t? I’m not about to die alone. It could be anything: you can slide up in my DMs, you can smile at me, you can do anything. Just don’t look at me as if you’ve already conquered me in the bedroom of your imagination.

But yeah, that’s just how it is for me. I’m a hot mess but a mess nonetheless.

Album of the Week: Tyler, The Creator isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, I know. He’s loud as hell and he says “fuck” as many times as I say “like” when I’m trying to explain something. But his music is good, I can’t say why I like his stuff, I just do. He’s grown so much from the Goblin era. He’s calmer, his music is a lot less angry. Give Cherry Bomb a try.

Georgina ❤

P.S. I made a Facebook, a bit late, I know but I’m trying to make a page for the blog but I want to make it all pretty so when it’s ready to be liked, I shall let you know. And you better like it, or I’ll kick your asses.

A Case of the Blues

I know I said I wouldn’t let Valentine’s Day get to me and I know I said I was a very single Pringle who was oh so ready to mingle (that still stands, gentlemen) and even though I am a kickass individual with a titanium outer shell, I’m still a cotton candy flavoured ball of fluff in the middle. I saw one too many flower bouquets and I almost exploded.

So as you all know, I suffer heavily from a bad case of judgetitis and well, I did something pretty shitty on Sunday. My friends and I were leaving the cinema, we had just finished watching Fifty Shades of Grey (a little disappointing but that’s what happens when you try to turn a crappy book into a decent film, it reeks of mediocrity no matter how hard you try. Soundtrack was good though) and I noticed this couple on the escalator heading out. They couldn’t have been much older than me. It was the lady who caught my eye. She was short and stout and she knew she was womanly, you know? She carried her body with pride, she rocked her flesh. She had a buxom like I had never seen before, she had a little blue turban on her head, killer weave underneath and her makeup looked good. In hindsight, she did actually look good. As she was walking away with her date, I just looked at her and I said out loud “if that’s her boyfriend, there’s hope for me then.” One of my girlfriend’s looked at me like I had just sworn at her and I might as well have. I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl and as I was walking home and I concluded that I am a confused little mess.

Absolutely no shade to thin girls but I would rather have thunder thighs than a thigh gap on any day. I admire big women, I admire their courage, their confidence, their ability to stay true to themselves and to their God-given voluptuousness when the world is cramming this seemingly desirable archetype of a body down our throats. Curves are works of art, they are beautiful, defined lines on a woman, lumps and bumps everywhere that carve us out from skin and bone. I’m not a size two and I am proud of that.

So why was I such a bitch on Sunday when I saw that woman?

Because I’m a jealous old cow.

I don’t feel overjoyed seeing couples, everyone knows this. I’m one of those “if I can’t be happy, no one can!” people but for theatrical reasons. I am wanting, okay? “So why don’t you put yourself out there?” you say. Well, I see it as how do you put yourself out there when there isn’t really anything to put yourself out there to? Do you get what I mean?

I think this is just a prolonged case of the blues weighing down on me. Writing is therapeutic for me and it’s even better knowing you are reading this, having an emotional response to this.

I guess, when I saw that lady, I mentally did a comparison as to what she could offer and I could offer and I couldn’t quite understand how she had done it. You know when you see people you know in relationships and you’re just thinking, “hold up, you were more than single 6 months ago, how the f*ck did you move so fast?”

I’ve been seeing it a lot lately and it leaves me utterly flabbergasted. I don’t get it, am I the only one? Is there some club everyone is joining that guarantees you will find a boyfriend?

I guess it’s down to experience. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone I’ve met here in the UK. Born and bred Nigerian boys all the way. I think there’s just something about Nigerian boys who were born and brought up here that literally repels me, maybe its’s the lack of awareness? I feel like there’s an actual brick wall between me and them whenever we try and converse, absolutely nothing is being assimilated. Sigh, the drought is real.

Anyways, about that lady: it was a bitch move on my part and if she ever reads this, I apologise for oogling at you like that. I don’t want your boyfriend (y’all looked cute though), I was just amazed at how you’d found him, that’s all.

Did any of this make sense by the way?

Quote of the Week: “Still finding myself, let alone a soulmate.” – Drake

Song of the Week: Jungle – Drake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lKH5dMNcq0

Drake’s got me all in my feelings, as you can tell.

Georgina ❤

#BelieveInYourSlay

If you don’t have Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr or simply live under a rock, you may not have taken any notice of the movement, captioned by the hashtag #BelieveInYourSlay. The first time I saw it, I was inwardly annoyed. I thought “great, another venue for people to flaunt their good looks and squash my self-esteem even more.” If you look at what the hashtag involves, sure, you’ll be greeted by some selfies from both men and women but as I started to fully understand what was going on, it dawned on me that it’s not about the selfies and the tweets, it’s about the message behind the selfies. The message that preaches of the slayage.

Before we continue, everyone has to be brought up to speed: do we all know what slay means? There are 3 definitions that I personally agree with:

1. Slay (verb) – to annihilate an individual with one’s fabulosity.
2. Slay (verb, informal) – greatly impress or amuse someone ¹.
3. Slay (verb) – to kick ass, to dominate something ².

Look at yourself, think long and hard, look at the definitions, think again then ask yourself: are you slaying? Are you believing in your slay?

The ability to harness one’s slayage doesn’t just happen, not to me. Before you can slay, you have to have self-confidence, self-belief and self-worth. You have to see yourself as the best thing since sliced bread because you are. Whether you realise it or not, the world is a different place because you exist. You are someone’s child, first of all. You are someone’s brother/sister, friend, confidante, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, mother/father, soulmate, potential soulmate. Without you, someone/something may not exist, I hope you realise this. Our very presences are chain reactions within themselves. So firstly, understand that you are worth the slay.

Now, you have to believe in yourself in order to slay. I had my first driving lesson last week Wednesday, if you didn’t already know since I’ve been screaming it from the virtual rooftops. All day, I had been buzzing with excitement and feeling totally pumped and ready to join this oh so cool cult of drivers. 4 o’clock struck, I saw my instructor waiting outside my house and I almost felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I mean, I thought I knew a bit about cars beforehand, I knew there was a brake and an accelerator and a steering wheel, but just seeing that car waiting for me eroded everything I thought I knew for a few moments. My instructor rode us to a quiet side road, told me to sit in the driver’s seat (which was nerve-wracking in itself), gave me the cockpit drill and told me to drive. And guys, I drove. I drove for about 40 minutes, I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t stall (even though I don’t think you can stall automatic cars but whatever), I didn’t give anyone whiplash, it was a moderate success. If I didn’t snap out of it and believe that I could slay the hell out of that lesson, I would probably be riding the bus for the rest of my life.

Last but certainly not least, you have to approach the slay with confidence. From mid-October 2013 to early February 2014, I didn’t take one selfie. I don’t care what anyone says, selfies are displays of self-love but it demands confidence in the bucketloads. You have to look at yourself with pride and say “damn, don’t I look amazeballs? I should bless someone with a picture of myself just because.” That is what it is. It’s not a matter of cockiness because that is narcissism and ain’t nobody got time for that. But, you have to see yourself as beautiful which I wasn’t feeling in that time period. Hey, it happens. You have to overcome in order to grow. I’m still growing and forever overcoming but now I do it with love for myself, first and foremost.

The slay depends on no one else but yourself, never leave something as immense as your slayage to be determined by the way others perceive you. Let your slay apply to every nook and cranny of your existence: that exam, that problem, that girl you want to ask out, that guy you want to talk to, that bully who you want to show who’s boss, the future that seems so bleak, the past that seems to have a tight grip on you, everything. Slay it all. This isn’t a matter of metaphorical thirst, this is all about loving yourself. When you love yourself, your light shines brighter. You become a beacon, a force to be reckoned with. Who doesn’t want to kick ass?

If it helps, don’t see it as a movement, see it as an improvement on yourself. Before you know, we’ll all be believing in our slays and boom, the world is a better place already.

Kudos to the curators of this incredibly necessary slogan, @heauxjabi, @PeachesLenoir, @SnatchedXO and SnatchedXO.com (which is live from 31/01/2015). Look what these ladies have started!

Believe, guys. Believe in your damn slay.

Song of the Week: Childish Gambino – The Palisades (Feat. Christian Rich) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uW_ysmivrFU This is the song I want to fall in love to despite the fact the chorus literally says “love don’t really happen”, oh well.

Quote of the Week

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius

Georgina ❤

References because I’m scared shitless by plagiarism, welp:

1. http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/slay (Accessed 10:28pm 21/01/2015)

2. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slay (Accessed 10:20pm 21/01/2015)

I am Me, Not My Chesticles.

I’ve wanted to talk about this for a really long time but I felt it was too soon to be thrust upon you. However, we’re 8 weeks in, I think I’m allowed to discuss this.

Disclaimer: this has nothing (okay, maybe a little bit) to do with recent events (yes, point at yourself, I’m referring to you) so don’t think this is one my shadeful, judging lollipops to you. This is just an outcry for help of understanding the immense interest, or more like, the obsession with breasts. If you can’t handle the word ‘breasts’, you shouldn’t be on the internet, let alone this blog, okay?

When God made me, He decided that when I grew older, my breasts would also grow with me. He also decided to make boys completely fascinated with breasts right around the time that I (and a lot of other endowed girls out there) were beginning to accept and deal with their assets. I don’t go around shoving my breasts under everyone’s nose, I don’t confine myself to the wonders of turtle/bottle necks either. I wear what I want but I am decent. I wear tank tops under certain items of clothing, I wear camisoles, I am continuously tugging my tops up to prevent epic disasters. I even invested in a pair of minimiser bras from Marks and Spencer’s recently. I can’t help it if I lean over and you see Paris from inside my shirt. Leaning is a fundamental exertion. Let me live. There are times when I myself am awed by my own cleavage but I keep those moments to myself, mostly. I’m no Kim Kardashian, as you can probably tell.

I refer to my breasts in many varying ways such as boobs (even though I use this the most, it’s one of my most hated words. it’s just so… irritating), jugs (only to my nearest and dearest), breasts and my all-time favourite, chesticles. I call them chesticles because there is power in this word. If a man stood before me right now and we were trying to engage in a somewhat meaningful conversation about the controversy over the reception of Ebola in the diaspora, for example, and my eyes continuously fleeted between his own eyes and his testicles, wouldn’t he be itching to grab me by the chin and tell me through gritted teeth, “Hey, eyes here. Eyes no go there.” Well, that’s exactly how I feel when I attempt to converse with many a member of the opposite sex. My eyes are on my face, right above my nose. They are not dangling from my chest. I don’t know, am I missing something here? Am I unaware of how my own breasts appear? Are my breasts the first to have ever existed? I’m starting to think that if one day, I had a mastectomy, I wouldn’t have nearly half as many boys attempting to speak to me. I really think my breasts are like a beacon for some of these aforementioned boys. It’s sad. I am a human being, you know. My bra size doesn’t determine how much of a person I am. I like to think I’m a good person, I’m intelligent (ish), I’m friendly, I can cook (ish), I like to read, I like sleep, I like buying things on Amazon compulsively, I like listening to music, I like blogging. All these things have no effect or are not affected by my breasts. So what is the problem?

I get it: there’s something arousing about them. There’s something sexual about them. There’s something there that makes the boys go loco. It offsets this burning sensation to mention my breast size, just to make sure I am aware of the power I possess on my chest. Hey, I do it too. I ogle at fellow ladies every now and again, I comment on their breasts. Even my friends do it too. They tell me how mahoosive my chest is. I can deal with people telling me or commenting on my chest size, it’s the very loose equivalent of commenting on how large someone’s eyes/nose/mouth is. It’s just another body part. But, sex is associated with breasts. And because of this, a lot of boys make it their mission to acquire information and visual data on as many heavily endowed girls out there as they can possibly get their hands on, no pun intended. And I’m done with that sh*t. No one should expect something like that from me or any other girl out there who isn’t parading their chesticles like a pay-per-view channel. Things like that equate to vulnerability, intimacy. I’m not just about to throw things like that to anyone. I don’t care how big a deal it is or isn’t to you. Even if I did want to share such moments, it would only be with my lover. My absolute lover. Or my mother when she walks in on me in the shower but you get the idea.

So, to my male readers and even some female readers (yes, I see you), think before you ask for that picture or before you comment on her chesticles in a way that you know will immediately eject her from her comfort zone with you. Think about the effects, short and long-term, on both her and yourself. Do you really want to wreck a friendship/budding romance/whatever because you couldn’t control what’s in that mind of yours or those boxers/briefs/whatever? Think about it. Think long and hard.

Remember ladies, you choose what defines you. If you want to be known for your chesticles, here’s a fist pump in agreement. If you don’t, here’s a fist pump in agreement. Don’t let someone call you prudish or uptight or even outlandish because of what you want for yourself.

Do you, honey boo-boo.

Mini Rant of the Week: Please look after our planet. I’ve watched enough films to know the people who write these things probably know more about the fate of Earth than I do. Recycle, turn your lights off when you’re not in the room, turn the switches on your plugs off, don’t throw food away if you can’t finish it. Save it for later or give it to someone who will happily eat it for you. Walk, ride a bike, take public transport more often. Interstellar (the movie) not only confused the hell out of my mind but it’s scared me sh*tless as well. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to meet an untimely death and I would like my children and at least my children’s children to live in a fairly decent world. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for the generations to come. And if you really couldn’t give 2 sh*ts about humans in general, do it for the polar bears because who doesn’t love a polar bear?

Song of the Week: Miss Amor – Azealia Banks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6SgqYMl5R8)

Quote of the Week: “My feelings don’t disappear but I’ve learnt, with age, to use them for the greater good.” – Unknown.

Georgina x