Do you ever just think? Or better yet, daydream?
I spend a lot of time on public transport, you know this. If I don’t have a book in my hands, it’s because I think it’s time to do some mind wandering. This is the book I’m reading right now.
It’s about four people, in Paris, in the seventies, all entwined by knowing one or the other, all affected by the “breakout” of homosexuality and AIDS in France. I picked it up in Waterstones for £2, I think. It’s heavily philosophical but slow and steady wins the race. Just trying something new.
Anywho, when I daydream, I daydream hard. Things that haven’t happened yet, things that might never happen, things that I hope to happen: I am a self-proclaimed dreamer. Your imagination is the only happy thing, really. It is what you make it and I try to make it… exciting. I conjure up things that are supposed to be the Universe’s surprises to me, the turtle out of the sky but no, I foreshadow so much, it’s very unlikely that anything will ever be able to surprise me because, I’m simply on it. (Note, this is untrue. I’ve tried to imagine what meeting Beyoncé would be like but never did I imagine what meeting Danny Dyer, best known for his portrayal as Mick Carter in EastEnders, would be like. My hand was quaking, I think I experienced hyperventilation for the first time but boy, did that man smell good. Damn.)
I think about who I could be, think about where my life is going and what it holds, whether the morals I have laid out for myself still hold true and whether they can still hold.
I think about how my academic life took the biggest U-turn ever and I wonder what I’m actually doing. But, a memory crops up. I remember saying I wouldn’t want to be a dentist forever, I’d much rather go into research and be the brains behind something innovative. Well, look at me now. I’m doing a degree that is almost entirely based on research and who knows, I could be the one. I don’t know what for but it could be me.
Some days, I think about what it’s like to be that girl who can tweet her opinion on an album and not sound like a total fake, I know half of you are like what is she talking about, can she even understand what rap is? I want to have a gazillion followers who retweet whatever I come up with because it’s utter genius.
I think about sex, as you do. I think about what it’s been like so far, why it’s such a big deal, how necessary it is, how it hurt, how it’s the best thing you and another human being, that you love, can physically do together. Stop squirming, it’ll happen to you soon enough.
I think about how odd different cultures are, how unwilling people are to break free from their groups and integrate. I crave knowledge, it is the very thing that keeps me going. Every day I learn something new, I want to grow mentally and that involves mixing. Why stagnate and continuously stick to the plain old, same old that will eventually, turn your brain to mush? My best friend is an Indian Muslim. I have friends who are Sikhs, Hindus, Christians, atheists, barely there Christians, from all four corners of this globe. The other day, I was thinking about the number of languages I can say hello in: 10 and counting. I am a citizen of the world, why wouldn’t I want to be connected to it in every way possible?
I think about my own faith and how I’ve barely scratched the surface in my journey with God. I think of all the questions I have and how, one day, I will be satisfied. I think about how people see the God in me and whether I am utilising the talents given to me to His standard, I suppose. Even though I don’t use this blog to shove Christianity down your throats, I think I’m doing something positive. All I’ve ever wanted to do, for as long as I can remember, is to impact a life, in any way. Be it significant, insignificant, monumentally, for a millisecond or for eternity, I want to be the cause behind an emotional response in a person. I want to be the catalyst to something in someone and I honestly think God put this blog upon my heart to help me fulfil this nugget that seems to be the driving force behind every little thing I do.
I think about the day when every negative –ism of this world will not exist, when people will open their eyes and realise how stupid it is to have a hatred towards another human being. I mean, we are all human beings, aren’t we? Jeez.
I’m turning into Martin Luther King Jr. I guess we all have a little MLK in us all.
Mini Rant of the Week
There’s been this Instagram screenshot of a woman breastfeeding her child circulating on Twitter that, obviously, has people talking but they are, obviously, talking for all the wrong reasons. Why is nudity such a big deal to people when it’s not directly benefiting them? If it was porn, God knows this wouldn’t be an issue but the second a woman captures a moment that is as natural and as necessary as the air we breathe, it’s the biggest sin. I have seen opinions like “was that really necessary?” or “so is this ok now?” and “why would she share that?” and I’m just over here wondering what demon has descended upon all these useless people. It is a woman. Feeding her child. Why the fuck is this something that people even care about? You were all BREASTFED. What do you think breasts are for? To be stared at? For decoration? To be fondled at night during foreplay? They are fundamental biological tools given to women to provide all the necessary nutritional building blocks to babies. If people find a woman feeding her child insulting, God help us all. It’s things like this that make me want to give up on humanity, honestly.
Quote of the Week
Song of the Week
Haven’t listened to anything else but To Pimp A Butterfly so… https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/to-pimp-a-butterfly/id974187289