Monthly Archives: October 2014

Plot Twist: It Doesn’t Go As Planned

So last week’s post hit home with a lot of you guys which I’m super happy about. It’s good to know that there are a lot of people in the same boat as me when it comes to matters of the heart.
However, my number one fan (you know who you are) gave me some solid, ground-shatteringly good advice that I can’t help but share: “stop looking for love.”

It seems like a no-brainer but you’d be surprised at how unconsciously I do just that. Now, I’m not parading the corridors of my university with a banner screaming “I’m single. Take me now” but I fantasise (in the clean way, obviously). I daydream a lot about what my future holds and who it will contain and how my mystery man will look and how many kids we’ll have and all that stuff. Such daydreaming is healthy, I guess, but not to the point where almost any eligible bachelor is scrutinised heavily and then you mentally score him out of 10, depending on how close he matches up to your mind’s idea of “this is who you will spend your life with”. I’m guilty of this. I do it every day but I’m going to have to take up this advice because of another one of those clichéd taglines that inevitably affect us all: nothing goes as planned!

Honesty hour, I didn’t want to study pharmaceutical science. I’d always wanted to be a dental hygienist. Actually no, I wanted to be a dentist. Well, I wanted to be a doctor. Really, my first dream job ever was to be a singer but that ship sailed pretty quickly, naturally. With a dental-orientated career path in mind, I planned everything out and it all had to go to plan or else I was doomed. But hey, sh*t happens. You can’t be left holding on to a dream that obviously isn’t going to happen because it simply isn’t going to happen.

So, you improvise. You work with what you have.

I’m kind of adopting the “going with the flow” mentality because it doesn’t set me up for failure. I’ve come to truly appreciate people who say they don’t know what they want to do or who they want to be because it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not have your life mapped out. I used to think such people didn’t want to live a good life but they turned out to be doing the smartest thing ever: they could never truly feel disappointment because they didn’t set themselves up for it. It’s good to have goals, don’t get me wrong, but I think it’s a lot healthier to not set your judgement on whether you’ve failed in life on whether you attain these goals or not. Right now, I don’t know what job I can get with my degree, I don’t know what type of life I’ll live after university, I don’t even know if I’ll end up with this particular degree, I’m trying not to think about who I’ll end up with and quite frankly, I’m not that worried. When I reach those hurdles, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get my leg over it.

I just want you to know that life is not what it seems, it is not as clear cut as you hope. So, if it does all seem like a mess and you don’t know what to do next, just let it be. Let what you are so hell-bent on controlling be. Everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason for your life taking an odd left on the highway of it all. Ride with the tide and you’ll be amazed at where it takes you.

To end this amazingly inspirational blog post, here’s a quote from the flawlessly flawless Beyoncé: “Enjoy your life, it’s short. And that’s the message.”

Mini Rant of the Week – This is going to sound rude but oh well: why does inspiration always seem to hit certain people in Starbucks? Why? Why does it so conveniently hit those writers that are sat, perfectly poised at the coveted window seat with their MacBook Airs’, notebooks sprawled with messy notes and of course, the Starbucks mug covered in lipstick stains just so you know they’ve been there for a while. I don’t understand it. It’s like the ultimate writer’s cliché. Are the employees at Starbucks instructed to sprinkle something in the air that attacks people who are armed and ready with their laptops in their bags? It irritates me. It makes me feel that some of the integrity of writing is lost because people will automatically think you came up with your total gem of written gold in the window seat at Starbucks with a MacBook Air in front of you.
And before you ask, this little explosion hit me on the train… just after I’d left Starbucks.

Song of the Week – I’ve been replaying the On The Run Tour version of Beyoncé’s “Countdown” for the past 7 days. It’s too damn good.

Quote of the Week – see main blog post.

My Take On Boys, Perhaps?

I know, I know, 3 weeks in and I’m already talking about boys. Sue me, it has to be done. I’m not here to preach about the bad side of dating, I’m not here to tell anyone to abstain, become a nun, close your eyes whenever an attractive being walks past, no. I’m just here to speak my mind and this week, I’ve got boys on my mind.

People always say university is the place to make lifelong relationships in the friendly aspect and otherwise. I’m not even slightly ashamed to say I depended on university to help me meet people, men in particular. Yes, I said men. There is a difference between a man and a boy but it seems to me, university is just another breeding ground for boys. I still haven’t met any Nigerians, by the way. It’s making me spiral closer and closer to insanity as it’s making me lose bucket loads of hope.

I’m surrounded by blossoming relationships and there’s a pattern emerging: there seems to be quite large age gaps between the lovebirds. One of the newest friends I’ve made at university is engaged and she’s 19, her fiancé is 24. I think for my particular age group, boys just aren’t ready for the level of commitment a LOT of girls my age (or should I say women) are yearning for. As always, males and females at the age of 18 aren’t on the same psychological level yet and so us ladies are left, flailing our arms around, beckoning for our male counterparts to hurry the f*ck up and get to where we are. I think I’m targeting the wrong age group but I don’t want to date someone 5 years older than me: I just know they will be patronising and almost parent-like and that’s the biggest no-no in my rather short list of requirements in whom I date.

Am I too young to be wanting such serious relationships? I’m not even interested in getting engaged right now, I just want a serious boyfriend/manfriend, damn it. Is there something wrong with me for expecting the total embodiment of my dreams to magically cross paths with me on my university campus? I guess it’s okay to dream… but there’s only so much dreaming can fulfil. In all honesty, I miss being in a relationship and the fact that I’m enveloped by so many happy and healthy ones makes me jealous. There, I said it.

I’m the kind of person who devotes themselves to anything that I’m passionate about: be it a relationship, be it a project, be it Beyoncé. I guess I just love being in love or better yet, I love the idea of love. I’ve always been that person to crush really hard on people ever since I knew what a crush was. I’m a sucker for romance, I’m a sucker for love but as always, the harder you love, the more agonising the heartbreak.

I also think a lot of factors are at hand, hindering the average 18-year-old boy’s ability to want to “settle down”. I’m just going to mention 3. We don’t have all day:

  1. The media: I mean, “bad b*tches” seem to be in ample supply nowadays and some boys are dumb enough to actually want those kind of girls. But see, they’d rather chase a couple of girls like that for now than have one girl who’s probably not that outlandish but guaranteed to make them happy in the long-run. It’s so unfortunate.
  2. Immaturity: this doesn’t apply to just boys, oh no. There are girls out there who just serve as the exceptions to the rule and somehow, every bloody time, they seem to get their clutches on the good guys before us. They end up tainting the guys so much, they are either so bitter, they will do absolutely anything to hurt other good girls or so disinterested in girls, they won’t give anyone a second glance. Sigh.
  3. My idea of a serious relationship differs drastically from theirs. Enough said.

I feel like this post is full of contradictions and ramblings that make close to no sense whatsoever. I could blame this on the fact that I’m heavily intoxicated by Benylin cough medicine and concentrated doses of Obas oil but actually, I’ve just been in a “someone, love me” mood all week and this post was the only way to get it out of my system. Forgive me, readers.

Mini Rant of the Week – I don’t want to be one of those people who think every single action towards them involves some form of racial discrimination but I feel like I should document this as I might be on to something… Just in case.

So, one of my lecturers was introducing himself to the class and this line of talk began:

“University is about having your big boy trousers on.” *Looks at me* “Do you have your trousers on?”
“Um, yes.”
*Class laughs*
“Stand up and show me then.”
“Um, no.”
“Do you have a skirt on?”
“…”
“*KISSES TEETH*”

FYI, I was actually wearing trousers that day. Now, kissing one’s teeth showcases annoyance, impatience or even a display of attitude amongst Africans and Afro-Caribbeans mainly. He was very white. So, what I didn’t get is why he decided to do that to me in particular. He didn’t do it to anyone else. He did however, call an Asian boy “bruv” but I guess that was because the boy in mention kept saying “innit”. He’s also the boy who irritates my soul in all my classes (I’ll most likely rant about him next week). The more I think about it, the more it irritates me and I keep finding underlying meanings to what he could have meant. Either way, I didn’t find it funny at all or even necessary and I’m not looking forward to his lectures.

Song of the Week – Jhené Aiko – Spotless Mind (https://soundcloud.com/albsoon/jhene-aiko-spotless-mind)

Quote of the Week – Since I’m in a sentimental mood, why not quote from my favourite book in the whole wide world: “Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting.” – Audrey Niffenegger (excerpt from The Time Traveler’s Wife)

Georgina x

P.S. Random fact about me: I’d rather lose my page in a book than doggy-ear the page or use a bookmark. Odd, no?

Experiencing A Fear Like No Other.

It is bloody freezing. October has arrived with a slap around my poor face. I’m not a fan of cold weather, I’m a spring/summer baby. On the plus side, I can pretty much pile on a gazillion items of clothing in the name of “layering” but really, we all know what it’s for. Very soon, it’s going to be slippery roads, falling leaves and even grumpier people.

First things first though, I would like to thank every single person who made the day of the blog launch one of the most gratifying days of my life so far. Honestly, the reception and the feedback just filled my soul with happiness.

That being said, the creative juices flowing through my veins between the time that I wrote the post, published the post and realised that it was actually being read, seemed to coagulate into an unmovable blob of panic. My brainwaves (well, the ones on a creative frequency) flat-lined. I couldn’t for the life of me think of what else I could write, what I could talk about that would be found vaguely interesting for anyone to read. I felt that anything I could muster up would be nothing short of a disaster and that, my friends, is the fear of disappointing. There’s a law in science, the law of the conservation of energy which states “energy cannot be created or destroyed but it can be transformed from one state to another” and I think I’ve experienced my first practical application of that law. But then, I realised that it was all a part of the rollercoaster that I’ve put myself on by adding myself to the blogging realm: there will be moments where nothing can inspire me and I just have to accept that and pray and hope that it passes by like the common cold. There will be times when my posts will be like textual Viagra (in the most harmless way possible, of course) and others when they could put a sloth to sleep but hey, such is life.

Another fear injecting factor that I was faced with this week: the fear of failing. I’m coming to grips with how university works and how the future of my degree is literally in my hands. I have a particular module called Academic Skills for Molecular Science and you wouldn’t think it would be something too hardcore. Well, it is. It’s maths. Maths and statistics, the two things I’ve successfully managed to bypass since the end of secondary school and through the majority of my A-Levels yet it is here to haunt me now. It fills me with dread because I have this gnawing feeling that I’m going to epically crumble at the hands of it. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this but my class is like 90% Asian and you know how smart they can be so imagine this scenario: I’m surrounded by Asians, ferociously tapping away at their calculators, literally setting them of fire from the sheer intensity of their tapping fingers whilst I’m there wondering what question we were supposed to be doing. But again, I have also made up my mind to not let this fact overcome me: I will be my own star and I will shine brightly for myself and in order to do so, I’ll just have to find a way to make sure I get through this module. I can do it, can’t I?

I’ve decided to add a Mini Rant of the Week to the “add-ons” as it’s pretty clear to me that there are an illimitable number of things that will piss me off every week so why not get them off my chest in less than 500 words a week?

So, here it is:

Commuting to university every day means being forced to cross paths with notoriously impatient Londoners and this is to all of you: You annoying, impatient, inconsiderate individuals who seem to live on trains. I have had it up to here with your sh*t and it’s only been a week. I don’t know where the hell you’re rushing to half the time. Calm your tits, you will get on this train just like everyone else will. Do you think I enjoy having to rub shoulders with you people? Do you think I want to have to press myself up against any of you while I’m on the train, inhaling your coffee laced and generic toothpaste infused breath? It’s bad enough being on a hot train, now fill that train with a bunch of agitated individuals who most likely didn’t shower that morning. And for those of you who get a little ahead of yourselves and start using those bony ass elbows of yours, I have my school bag. Yes, my £50 shock absorbent school bag which is loaded with multiple 500 paged textbooks, notebooks, pencil cases and several layers of padding. I’m not afraid to use it as my own personal weapon of mass destruction. I’ll bulldoze all of you. And before I forget, this goes to the people in my classes: DO NOT ASK ME “what does that *points at board/screen/lecturer’s mouth* mean?” Chances are, I don’t have the slightest idea either. We’re sitting in the same lecture room, staring at the same lecturer and the same PowerPoint presentation in bewilderment so how the hell would I know what’s going on? It’s really turning out to be a pet peeve and I’ve resorted to simply shrugging my shoulders but very soon, I shall adapt the “deaf in one ear” approach.

Wow, I feel better already. I hope these rants go down well with everyone.

Song of the Week – Jonas Rathsman – Bringing You Down (https://soundcloud.com/frenchexpress/jonas-rathsman-bringing-you-down)

Quote of the Week – sometimes you’ve gotta compliment yourself and just be your own hype squad” – tumblr user swolizard

Georgina x

P.S. I think I’m going to stick to posting on Mondays as it’s a way of me keeping track and really paying attention to the days to ensure having something to write about. Also, I get to start the week on a good note 😀 Until then, have a great week!