I have an exam on Friday and now, university is really becoming real. I know what it’s like to sit in the library for 4 hours straight and read until your eyes feel sore. I know what it’s like to almost feel dependent on energy drinks (shout out to Red Bull, Monster and Relentless). I know what it’s like to not be able to sleep until 3 in the morning, knowing you have a deadline to meet and several topics to cover. I know how tempting and delighting it feels to want to binge watch The Walking Dead and How To Get Away With Murder, simply pushing your responsibilities out the window. I know what procrastination is. But hey, that’s life. Can I also point out that my university seems to be the only university in the whole world that is still open? Pray for me, for thou art this close to losing thou shit.
Anyway, that’s not what I’m here to talk about.
I was walking down one of the many stairwells in my university with my friend and out of the blue, she asked me if I had written this week’s blog post yet. The following transcript, more or less, sums up what came next:
A: “What would you do if you were a boy?”
G: “That’s so random, why would you ask me that?”
A: “That’s how I am, I’m random.”
G: “Well. I would bang my way through a bunch of girls. I’d have a million girls numbers saved on my phone as babe number 1, babe number 2…”
A: “Oh gosh.”
A: “That should be your blog post.”
Well, A, you got me thinking.
Before someone threatens to lynch me, I was JOKING. But then, I realised that I only said that because it’s a reality. A very possible and very real one. Too many boys like this exist, I can scream this from the rooftops and no one would bat an eyelid because it has been this way for, well, forever. It’s shitty, I know. Not all boys are like this, I’m aware of this but too many are like this. Do you know how many times I hear boys speculating over the body of a girl as she walks past? Or how many times, a fleet of boys turn their heads simultaneously as a girl walks by? I’m all for grabbing someone’s attention, I’m all for strutting what your mama gave you but what about personality? What about what she likes to do in her spare time, what her favourite colour is?
If I were a boy, I would be 6 feet tall (hopefully), I’d be that dark-skinned hunk that makes every single girl go weak at the knees. I’d be that guy because hello, who wouldn’t want to be that guy? But I wouldn’t ogle at girls (or at least, I’d try), I wouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I’d start conversations, I’d sit next to you or anyone who looked lonely and get to know you. I wouldn’t make you feel as if I wanted sex from you or was wondering how large your breasts were or how you looked naked, no. I would genuinely be interested in how your day went and how you were finding university and becoming your friend first. I wouldn’t make it my mission to nudge my boys as you walked by to make sure they were aware of how your ass moves as you walk. I might not even tell my boys about you because you’re not a conquest, you’re just a friend.
But then I remember that’s not going to happen because damn, who does that? I mean, I may be a boy but I’m not a freaking angel. I am Nigerian. It’s in the blood.
Why is Beyoncé the featured image? Why shouldn’t she be? Who doesn’t need to see Queen Bey grab her crotch? Hello?
On my course, I have zero guy friends. I say hi to two of them regularly-ish. One of them is so timid, I feel I might send him into cardiac arrest whenever I smile at him. The other is totally on to me (this isn’t even a matter of wishful thinking or paranoia. He is on to me. Ask anyone) and it is beyond obvious that a friendship cannot exist without it inevitably leading to undesirable territory. I want a guy friend, okay? In fact, no. I just want a friend who happened to be a male. Who was my age, who went to university with me, who didn’t see me as anything but a friend, who I could have intellectual conversations with and send ugly snapchats to without feeling I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life. Who could come to Starbucks with me and my friends or who I could go to wherever he wanted to go with his friends without there being this unspoken sexual tension hovering over our heads. I want. I am wanting, deeply.
I know people like this exist, platonic relationships exist. They cannot all be extinct, surely?
To my future boy bestie who will not eventually become the love of my life, this is my message to you: I will look for you, I will find you and I will befriend you.
Mini Rant of the Week: PERSONAL SPACE. I don’t think I can stress this vital aspect of life enough. We all have a bubble and this bubble is fundamental. This bubble protects us from ghastly scents of B.O, Ebola-laced coughs, dangerously motile dandruff and just helps us keep a hold on sanity. What really and truly pisses me off are members of society who walk right into my bubble when they have absolutely no reason for doing so. I’m standing at a platform and you come and walk within millimetres of my body when there is ample space for you to walk. What is the meaning of that? Can’t you see? Are you asking me to trip you up because it would be beyond a dream come true to extend my foot a few inches more and send you flying, it really would. Don’t invade the bubble. You’ve been warned.
Song of the Week: More like, album of the week. J. Cole’s “2014 Forest Hill Drive” was released last week and it’s really good. I’m loving how albums nowadays tell stories. It reminds me of Kendrick Lamar’s “Good Kid M.A.A.D City”, not production wise but progression wise. Everything gels. Preview it here, it’s gooood – https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/2014-forest-hills-drive/id940845223
LION BABE – Jump Hi (Feat. Childish Gambino) it’s really really good too (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHqsE2EOpJE)
Quote of the Week: “Don’t give ‘em too much you. Don’t let ‘em taint your soul.” – J. Cole
(P.S. 10 more days and it’s Jesus’ birthday, omg.)
(P.P.S. I got my second ear piercings on Thursday, am I a rebel or what?)